Brave

Every year one of my dear friends chooses a word to focus on.  Her word this year was brave.  She inspires me in so many ways, but this word really hit home with me, and I have tried to be brave too.  My husband received a new calling in the stake and so for the first three months of this year, he had to visit other wards which would sometimes leave me alone with the kiddos for sacrament meeting.  I know many parents who do this, but for me it was something I felt I couldn't do.  My kids have gotten older and easier, but if my little girl starts to cry or make any kind of fuss, it is one of the Bug's big triggers.

When I knew I would be doing church on my own sometimes, I wanted to be able to do it.  I also knew I have a great support system of friends that would help me.  So the first week I set out and was blessed to have a friend who could come sit by me and help.  Amazingly my two other kids were just so good during sacrament, but the Bug was upset because the Ipad wasn't doing what he wanted it to do, and I couldn't help him.  At first I thought we could do it, but he continued to get upset and hit me.  I have mentioned this before, but I have a hard time when other people see him hit me.  Especially in the face.  I can take a hit, and I am fine, but the negative attention is extremely hard.  So the tears flow, and they don't stop.  We did make it through the meeting, but I had to just sit on the bench with him after with my back turned so people wouldn't come up to me, because it would make it worse.  It's not that I don't appreciate people coming to console me.  They are so sweet and well meaning, but for anyone for future reference, if you see me crying the worst possible thing to say to me is, "Are you ok?"  It was a hard day, but we made it through and stayed at church with me crying. (Good times!)

After that fun experience I was even more determined to be brave, so the next time my husband had a ward conference I wanted to try it all by myself.  My wonderful friend was a great help the time before, but when it comes to the Bug, I feel I need to deal with him so they don't get hurt.  After my first attempt, you might call me crazy, but armed with a prayer and my stubbornness, I tried again.  And you know what?  SUCCESS!  It was an amazing blessing.  He did so well.  I have even got him to go to Primary!!!
For the rest of the time I was able to do it all by myself, and I need to credit my oldest son who is an angel and great help!  I felt so brave!  It felt so good because I had been so afraid of that situation.  So now all the ward conferences are over for the year, and we made it through.  We had some hiccups, but no more freak outs from the Bug and no fountain of tears from me!  I know we were being blessed.

My last brave story may not seem like any huge feat, but to me it was!  A couple of weeks ago my husband got called into work on a Saturday.  He works about 40 min from home and we wanted to have as much time with him as possible so we dropped him off and I had an errand to run at the mall.  Yes you read that right, the mall.  Even going to the grocery store where I have a cart to put the Bug in is an adventure with all of my kids.  But again, we were brave and the kids were so good!  We went into 5 or 6 stores, and we made it out alive with nothing broken.  I was so excited!

I will continue to try and be brave, and I know each time will not always turn out as rosy, but I will be happy for trying.  For me seeing we can do things I didn't think were possible makes me feel like I can do anything.  Other brave things this year included eating at a sit down restaurant with the kids, and another cabin trip. (Stories and pictures coming soon.) Now I hope the picture up top wasn't too deceiving.  She has red hair and is brave. (Do you get the connection?)